


The Man from Cyrene

by goodnightfern



Series: Up for the Down Stroke [1]
Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate World History, M/M, Metal gear (1987), Operation INTRUDE N313, Past Big Boss/Kazuhura Miller, Sniper Wolf - Freeform, Vkaz Week 2017, War Crimes, accepting the unreleased nuclear disarmament scene as canon, implications of past mkaz and ocelhira
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-05 21:06:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12197427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodnightfern/pseuds/goodnightfern
Summary: Kaz carries his cross to the end.Or, Kazuhira Miller and Venom Snake fall in love and save the world.Whether the glass is half-full or half-empty depends entirely on how thirsty you are.





	1. FAILURE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for day one of Vkaz week for the prompt, "failure."
> 
> In the Synoptic Gospels of the New Testament, Simon of Cyrene is some dude who gets compelled to carry the cross for Jesus Christ for part of the journey to Golgotha. In some Gnostic texts and theology, he carries the cross all the way, endures the trials of Christ, and ends up dying on the cross himself. If that ain't thematically appropriate....

**1985**  

 

The SWAPO guy should’ve tipped him off first. _Always a pleasure to work with Big Boss._

Common enough phrase, especially with English as a second or third language. At the time Kaz didn’t even pause; it was a good job. Deploy units to defend one of the PLAN’s forward operating bases to get in good with Namibia and snag some of the Soviet’s hot new line of Walker gear before selling it off to the CIA. The South African border was bleeding cash, Kaz was eager, and if he just thought about it for a moment, it would have hit him.

No, it wasn’t that.

Instead it’s poor Jade Tree Frog looking rattled in his office. Saying the Boss suffered some kind of breakdown - grabbing her arm and demanding as to why “her” stitches were gone. Directing her to operate in an empty room while DD curled up whimpering. It’s a miracle she managed to sedate him.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” she says, staring at her feet. “He was hysterical.”

Kaz sighs and reads through her report on the way to the medical platform. Sends his standby nurse away because Kaz knows well enough how to refill an IV. Frog brings him a chair he slumps into to read through reports he doesn't care about until he passes out. Only to be woken ten minutes later by Snake calling for him, still woozy and delirious.

“Commander,” he says, grasping at his sheets. “I got them both out.”

“Snake, hey -” The reports slide off his lap. He grabs Snake's hand but Snake isn't content, squeezing and rambling.

“She’s okay. Tell Snake… tell the Boss I got the bombs out.”

“Shhh, Boss. It's okay.”

That’s when it hits him.

A blur of white corridors. Blinking lights and screaming alarms and _let me see him_ and _give it back_ and _clear_ and -

_He took some shrapnel to the head._

The medic falls back into fevered sleep.

Kaz drops his hand. The chair scritches across the floor. He's got to assemble a scuba team ASAP. Retrieve old MSF files from the bottom of the Caribbean sea. Check the blood types. The fingerprints. Get evidence, have it on paper.

Or Kaz is hallucinating and it isn’t true. But if Zero pulled some switcheroo and Big Boss died, Ocelot would know. Ocelot would want to know, at the very least, and he prays it’s the latter.

Ocelot just stares at him for a long, long time before raising an eyebrow.

“So first the Boss falls sick and now you’re blabbering? Hope this isn’t catching.”

“Maybe you know something, maybe you don’t. Either way. He’s dead, and that man is - ”

Ocelot sighs, presses two fingers to his forehead. “John is alive. He suffered a great deal of brain damage and he’s bound to have episodes. Occasional hallucinations. That why he needs you, Miller.”

“Don’t fuck with me. I can put two and two together and it equals Zero made a goddamn body double. There were three men in that chopper.”

His eyes are oddly glazed. Ocelot must smoke the same wormwood the not-Boss does and it drives Kaz crazy that he does it on the job so much. “Two and two equals five,” he says, thinly.

“Don’t you mock me right now.”

Ocelot blinks. “I’m not.”

“I read that book too, jackass. Two plus two equals four. That shrapnel plus the shit he’s saying plus those stitches all over his body plus, I don’t know, everything else equals that’s not John.”

Ocelot might as well be catatonic himself. After a long minute he drops his head. Shakes himself out of something and begins to rifle around his desk drawer for a key.

“Ocelot?”

Ocelot smiles, once, wry and brittle. Gets up and goes to a corner file cabinet. Shoves that aside and unlocks something hidden in the wall. Comes up with a small shoebox of cassette tapes.

He presses one in Kaz’s hands, another in his own Walkman, and before Kaz can catch him he’s opening the door to ask Frog to escort him to medbay. Leaving Kaz standing, dumbfounded, with only a date and two names on the label.

Kaz takes the tape to his own office. Listens to Zero tell Ocelot this is to keep him safe and blah blah listen to my jerkoff accent while drinking and methodically breaking shit. Weeps because Snake is dead, has been dead, and he’s too broken to even summon up rage when the lying cowboy fuck comes back for him.

“When did Snake die?” he asks, hoarse. “Years ago? Nine years ago?”

Ocelot picks his way around the mess in the office. “Of course, he never died,” he says, and proceeds to spread out the web of what exactly Big Boss is doing in South Africa.

Right. Ocelot vetoed that SWAPO job, anyways.

Kaz goes from grieving right to throwing a stapler in Ocelot’s face. Ocelot ducks and simpers and Kaz doesn’t hear him because he’s working out the details of how he’s going to murder Ocelot, find Snake and murder him, find Zero and rip out his goddamn eyeballs and then fly back to Mother Base and grab the medic and throw him into ocean. Jump right in after.

A paperweight nails Ocelot in the forehead and he grunts, kicks out the crutch from under Kaz’s arm and slams him over his desk.

The cold pinprick of a needle touches Kaz’s neck. Ocelot crushes his lungs into the desk.

“One shot. That’s all I need. You wake up six hours later back with your Snake and none of this happened.”

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

“I’ve dared it before.” His voice drops to a whisper. “Want to guess how many times?”

The desk is cold against Kaz’s cheek.

When Ocelot releases him he slumps to the floor. Doesn’t bother pulling himself up. Let Ocelot stomp on his neck and kill him now.

Snake has been so close, this whole time.

Ocelot tells him to give the phantom time. Time to gibber and drool in his hospital bed because the man’s mind has been shattered continuously, over the last nine goddamn years.

Kaz has a business to run anyways. He’ll get his updates from Jade Tree Frog. It’s only after Ocelot runs off - presumably to go jump on John’s dick and giggle about how he really tore Kaz a new one - when Kaz allows himself to stagger into the nearest bathroom and try to vomit.

For all Kaz knows Snake could have woken up years ago. Could have watched him even when the Skulls came for him.

He should be puking but his stomach is strangely calm. All the shadows have been cleared, now.

He’d forgotten was it was like to hold a grenade in his hands. The nights he’d spent listening to rain beat, breathless with hatred. No, Kaz got soft. Cozied up with his photocopy too addled to notice the discrepancies in his best fucking friend, his partner, lover - no, he knew. That’s one scrap he can cling to. He knew something was up.

Snake seemed taller, but Kaz was hunched over his crutch and off balance. Snake had grown out of raw organs and ate his veggies because after almost dying he’d learned to care for his health. Those strange moments of vulnerability that left Kaz on edge until he realized it was okay. No more opening doors only to slam them on his foot games anymore. After nine years, after seeing what Kaz had built from scratch for him, Kaz deserved it.

The sex itself should have been another big sign. The word _lovemaking_ had come to him one slow night and it should have scared the hell out of him. It would have, nine years ago. But Kaz had lost half his body. Snake had shrapnel in his head that could trigger seizures or even kill him. They were older, now. Tired.

No wonder Ocelot had seemed so lonely over those nine years, he needed intel. But even if they had taught the phantom how to properly fuck his secretary, hypnosis isn’t enough to change a man’s own preferences.

The real Boss would have never let Huey go. Wouldn’t have betrayed him with Quiet - hah, well. The real Boss was betraying him the whole time.

 

Over the next week, Kaz drinks the last of his sake stash, assembles a team to track down opium smugglers, busts the support unit’s secret marijuana grow op and gets incredibly high, nabs two human traffickers, overrides the access code to Ocelot’s office and finds jack shit, writes a scathing letter to John he sets on fire later, and actually draws up ridiculous plans for a milking operation because they’ve got to get some kind of use out of those goats.

Over the next week, V comes to yet again, turns off his iDroid, and breaks his radio.

“Almost anyone can digest goat's milk,” Kaz tells Steel Agama, jerkily moving down the catwalk. "What's often mistaken for lactose intolerance is actually inflammation caused by the A1 casein protein. Goat milk, on the other hand, only has A2 casein. Richer in minerals, too. As for the sheep, their milk is fattier, but high in B12 and good for cheese. We’ll have to expand, sure, but the NGO’ll pay for it. What they don't know won't hurt them.”

“Commander, what will we do with the all the baby goats?” Agama is one of his best guys in base development, but he might be the wrong person to talk to about this. He seems excited at the thought of cute fuzzy babies, not tender young meat. Kaz hasn’t even brought up the slaughterhouse platform yet - that’s one thing the NGO will definitely not be finding out about.

“We’ll train them as guards,” a hidden voice floats, and Kaz nearly trips on his cane when he looks down into the corral.

The medic is shirtless, cigar dangling from his mouth. The new Bob Marley tape is blasting from a stereo. DD barks, scattering the goats before his camera.

“Good to see you back on your feet, Boss!” Agama chirps, and Kaz holds back his groan.

It’s not like Kaz was going to avoid him forever. He dismisses Agama before he sees anything more incriminating and labors down the stairs. The phantom eyes him, but makes no move to help.

"How long did you know?” He makes no move to brush the dirt off when he sits up. The pins in his hair are sticking out and his eye is dull and reddened.

Kaz swallows. “Ocelot told me last week.”

The phantom says nothing. Wipes his face with his metal hand while Kaz mentally roadblocks the phrase _mutually consensual rape_.

“Do you know your name?” Kaz asks him instead.

“Heh. Big Boss.”

“Your real name?” Kaz should put a bullet between his eyes right now. Like’s he’s putting down a sick -

He was so careful to make headshots. Put them out of their misery and make it quick. When they’d burned the bodies that night Kaz had been afraid to touch him, only watched his shadow against the flames and blinked back his tears and _worshipped_ this man.

“I don't need to know.”

“He was a good guy. One of our first volunteers. Stronger than he looked -”

“No. He’s dead.”

“He’s right here,” Kaz rasps. Shoves a goat out of the way with his cane. They’re still milling around the medic, though. Wasn’t he good with animals? “Snake took everything from you, but -”

“He gave me everything I have.” The phantom runs his hands through thick hair, pats one goat on the rump. That’s right, he was always good with animals. This one time he’d stopped a jeep for a three-toed sloth and waited until Kaz snapped and tried to grab the wheel. Then he’d scooped it up his arms to carry it to safety.

“Whatever Ocelot told you, don’t listen to him. He’s a monster. What he did to you was -”

“I know.” The medic’s lip tightens. The red hand flexes. “Where is he?”

“I don't know. Back to the real Big Boss.”

“I am the real Big Boss,” the medic says, and he’s still got that obscure Mona Lisa smile. The same one he gave Kaz when he’d made fun of him for holding a wild animal like a baby.

Kaz spits a laugh. “Nice response. Is that part of the programming?”

“Here’s what I remember, Kaz. I was born. I had a childhood - brief, difficult. Joined the military young. I was in love once. I was hurt once. I was captured by the enemy once. I’ve seen my heroes fall.

I was in a crash and fell into a coma. And then I woke up, and went back to work.”

It’s so generic it could be half the entire staff of Diamond Dogs. A name changed, a place changed. Memories are fickle. Kaz doesn’t remember a rainy day in Yokosuka but that was a deliberate choice he made. This mess here is something else entirely.

Flies buzz around piles of goat shit. The staff has been careful to avoid this corral.

The medic nods. Turns off his radio and brushes his hand on his fatigues. “Commander Miller. Got any work for me?”

“...I’ll send details to your iDroid.”

The goats scatter and bleat when Kaz turns and limps away.

 

 

The mission is a black ops milk run - grab the prisoners, kick some ass, take some names - and don’t forget to catch some fuzzy hamsters and pretty lizards. That’s the real secret to mission success.

“You must have had a lot of fun in the sixties,” Kaz tells Venom over the radio. “You were a flower child, weren’t you? How’d a hippie like you end up joining a bunch of mercs, huh?”

The phantom says nothing. Sets down another live capture cage, this one in the stream.

“The real boss wouldn’t do that. The real boss would pick up one of your precious gerbils and bite its head off. I’ve seen him eat live lizards. Scales and all. Don’t you remember all those times you had to treat him for lepto?”

It’s dangerous to do this to him when he’s in the field. Easy to trigger a dissociative episode.

“You’ve been drinking.”

“What are you gonna do, come back and spank me?” Kaz twists the empty glass in his hands. “He tried to get me to eat a rat once,” he confides. “It was wriggling in my mouth and when I tried to spit it out it bit me. Thought I was gonna catch rabies, and he just. Takes it and shoves it in his mouth.” Kaz hadn’t fucked him for days after that. Couldn’t even touch him without seeing guts and fur between his teeth, and Snake had laughed.

“I’m not eating anything while its heart is still beating.”

“You’d do it if _he_ told you to.”

The phantom turns off his radio. Doesn’t make it back to base for another three days. Kaz transfers more staff to the conservation platform.

As for the staff, they’re gossiping worse than village women at the well. Apparently they’re all just dying to shovel dung and clean toilets. Yeah, Commander Miller’s even pissier than before. He and the Boss finally broke up. Of course they were a couple of queers, ask any of the older guys.

Venom orders the AI pod on R&D disassembled, silencing her voice for good. Venom spends his nights in that area of the medical platform right where Jade Tree Frog says she saw him have some kind of a freak out.

Anyone can go into the black. Even Big Boss.

Kaz confronts Jade Tree Frog about it one night, but she just cowers and points to where the medic is still posted, on that empty platform smoking to the stars.

“He’s there almost every night. It’s not like we can hide it.”

The medical platform is pretty universal. The usual barriers - between combat and support, intelligence and engineers - aren’t here. Everyone gets a checkup. Everyone talks to their doctor.

“Has he shown signs of delusions?”

“Not recently. I think he’s just… I’d need to confirm with the psychs.” She sighs, bites her lip and glares at Kaz’s boots.

“Out of your jurisdiction, huh?”

She flinches.

They don’t know. To the staff, Kaz is abandoning his partner at his lowest.

High on his perch, the phantom plays a tape Kaz gave him.

They hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and he’d been nearly captured by Zero Risk only to run into the Skulls while Kaz had screamed through the radio. But Snake came back with a new line of Walker Gears, sweet Cipher intel and a bonus twelve zebras.

God, but Kaz loved him desperately then. He’d been waiting at the helipad. Hadn’t let him shower, dragged him back to his room and let his Boss kiss the scars crossing his eyes. Spent a night with worn cassettes and bad wine and found out that Snake liked The Isley Brothers.

“Don’t mock me,” Kaz told him. “You never - you used to make fun of my enka music.”

“Didn’t know what I was missing out on.” Snake shrugged, kissed him again. Rubbed a thumb across Kaz’s cheekbone where an old scar had since faded - where Kaz had to get stitches after Snake broke a sauna bench with his face.

The medic had put them in, mouth drawn tight but his touch so gentle. Biting his lip like he was about to say something.

It was Cecile who gave him the lecture after. Just trying to pick another fight.

Suddenly Kaz misses Cecile’s voice terribly. He should try to track her down. Disrupt her civilian life with his personal shit. Call up Amanda and shred any of the respect she once had for Vic Boss.

They both knew the medic. Everyone had to get their annual physical with the quiet trauma surgeon who liked to hang around the practice studio.

He just liked music, that was all. Funk and soul was something Kaz missed out in America, and so he’d let him borrow some tapes. Kaz hid them from Snake for no real reason he could say. He was planning to give them back, but.

Sometimes over the nine years he’d found himself collecting tapes. Things Snake might like, to ease him into the present day. Expand his horizons a little.

This is Kaz's tape, but it's _his_ music.

Kaz blinks. Looks away. Packs a bag and calls a chopper, trying to come up with an excuse to visit the mainland on the fly. He can’t look at the man on the platform. Kaz will leave and the Diamond Dogs will only love their Boss more for it. They’ll take care of him.

There’s nothing Kaz needs or even wants to take with him. He can disappear right now, and when the chopper touches down he’s actually looking forward to throwing this all behind him.

“Miller! I see you’re headed to the conservation platform as well.”

Of course it’s fucking Ocelot.

“The boss can’t wait to start cheesemaking operations. I’m curious to see what you have planned.”

Ocelot’s scarf is tied a little higher than normal, his colors somehow faded. The relaxed demeanor isn’t as realistic as he thinks, and Kaz remembers seeing that red hand squeeze.

So they fly to the conservation platform. There’s spare lighting here at night, only a few staff members pull night shifts here, and Kaz should throw Ocelot in with the bears rather than let him talk.

Ocelot likes the idea of milking, but not slaughtering. Ocelot says it would never work, they would soon have more goats than they could feasibly handle, and Kaz argues that’s exactly why he wants the meat, they could stand to be more self-sufficient. Ocelot says they could start growing soy on support and Kaz explains to him the difference between animal and vegetable protein and the fact that they would have to grow acres and acres to supply enough protein to the staff and they go round and round. Just like old times.

“Does he actually expect us to keep working together?” Kaz asks finally. “Now that we all know the truth? What’s your place here? Does the phantom even want you around, or are you just here to dump more code in his head?”

Ocelot looks through him. “My place is wherever he needs me.”

“What does he need from you? Making sure I don’t run away? Keeping me in my place?”

“John will visit, if you want him to. All you have to do is ask.”

“Tell him I’d rather eat my own shit than see his face again.”

“You can be mad. He knows you’re mad. I’m just making sure you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else, for that matter. Take it out on the phantom, rile up the staff.”

“So _now_ he’s worried about me,” Kaz sneers.

“That depends. The phantom has no one but you to trust. You’re the only one who hasn’t lied to him. Are you going to let him down now, at his worst? All of this,” he says, hands spinning to somehow encompass all of Diamond Dogs, “you built it. It’s as much yours as it is his. Diamond Dogs is too important for us to lose, and it needs you.”

“You built this, too.” Or did he forget? Hypnotize himself into forgetting? “The both of us. When he was still sleeping, when we didn’t even know if he would wake up, you were with me.”

“I was,” Ocelot says, placid. “And then he woke up.”

“God, I think the phantom is bad, but you.” Kaz leans on his crutch to snap his fingers in front of Ocelot’s eyes. “Are you even a goddamn human anymore? Do you have any idea what you are?”

“I’m Big Boss’s right hand.”

“And I suppose I’m his left, then.”

“Heh. That’s just what he said.”

Kaz swears. Thwacks him in the knees and tosses his stupid folder full of stupid plans into the sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to my vkaz week. or, four days at least. I kind of touched on every prompt in one, lmao, so there's more coming for ya.


	2. FORGIVENESS

**1988**

Surviving a soul-crushing is a bit like swallowing sand. Just have to spit it out, scrape the tongue, swish as best as one can. Don't use seawater for that - a lesson Kaz learned when he was seven. His mother was so happy to be at the beach for once, she told him not to listen to the other kids, but even in those days Kazuhira could never live up to his name.

Kaz could floss his gums bloody again, but there would still be grit stuck between his teeth.

At least Ocelot doesn't hang around so much anymore.

Mother Base is a constant flow of activity, and if Kaz leans in just the littlest bit, the current sweeps him away easy. They're busier than ever as the decade winds to a close. Time flies while the world breaks. Soon enough the Diamond Dogs are stretched from Uganda to Angola. More and more rival PFs are building nukes, yellowcake a fine dust on red soil. Iran wants them to train Kurdish rebels in yet another chapter of their war with Iraq. The Soviets begin to pull out of Afghanistan, leaving behind a fun new power vacuum.

Kaz talks to John on the phone once. It goes about as well as it could. Kaz thinks he’s going to shout himself hoarse, work himself into a rage, but it just doesn’t happen. Something snatches his throat, stops the words he's been craving to spit. So much for catharsis.

Snake used to listen him, back in the day. Let him run his mouth about his shitty childhood. His mom. His failures in the States. Back then, Kaz thought this was the start of something. Even now he has no idea where Snake was born.

What the hell is there left to tell him? Of course John knows he’s hurt. Of course any apology would be insincere. They talk instead about the various movements of the world. This and that dictator was shot, this warlord disappeared into the Congolese jungle, Castro’s in Ethiopia, all the thrilling gossip. The phantom is doing well, Diamond Dogs is rich, and of course they can divert some funds. Kaz is happy to do so.

None of this is real. Only Outer Heaven is real.

It’d kill Kaz if he wasn’t already dead inside. From then on Ocelot remains his sole point of contact. If Big Boss cares how Kaz is doing, he can ask the phantom.

Somehow Kaz stays alive. Too pathetic to die, too vain for suicide. It’s not like there’s anywhere else he can go, not while Big Boss is still alive.

He’s tried. He considered Rhode Island, where some kid he doesn’t even know once went to university. In the end he went to Japan in some bizarre stroke of derangement. In Yokosuka he found out how much of his mother tongue he’d forgotten. Walked down streets he didn’t know in a fugue. Kept one eye over his shoulder, paranoid among civilians. After ten days he called Ocelot.

Returned to his pit. Picked up his shovel.

The phantom never even mentioned he’d left. Commander Miller returned from some much needed R&R and went back to work.

_Do you shovel to survive, or survive to shovel?_

When Kaz was young and first picked up Kobo Abe, the book only made him all the more determined to make it to America. He would never work for nothing, like his mother did.

When Kaz was older he thought would have just dug his own grave in the sand. Curled up and let the walls slide down upon him. Let his sad-eyed woman in the dunes deal with it herself.

Now Kaz gets a better leg. Constantly compensating was throwing his spine out of whack, but now he can actually exercise. Take off his coat and stop hunching over all the time. Practice his one-armed push-up. The crutch is still useful, but he can disembark a chopper all by himself. Venom will hover, but there’s nothing he can do, and Kaz doesn’t drink at the monthly birthday parties anymore.

He did, for a while. Found himself staring over bottles as the Boss laughed with his men. The old whispers are long silenced. Snake proved his stability. If anything, they wondered about the Commander gone eccentric. Easier, though, not pissy as he used to be. Must be all that wormwood he smokes.

It’s really not that bad. Kaz doesn’t need to even talk to the guy outside of the essentials. He sleeps eight hours a night while the phantom does whatever he and John goddamn want.

The phantom is just doing what he was made to do.

And Kaz was made to -

_Just to suffer?_

Wait for the knife to drop. Wait for his opening. A chance to strike.

There’s only the question of who, what, the where and the after.

Kaz could think about it, or he could shut up and do his fucking job.

The phantom won't show him up in that respect.

“Kids. Shit.” Venom crackles on the radio. He's been silent for a while, picking his way through the aftermath of genocide. Kurdistan won't be making it to the 21st century.

Kaz is on the comms for once - he’d leave it to just about anybody else, but the AO's been soaked in chemical weapons, left studded with minefields. There's still rumors of nukes hidden in unmarked cargo trucks circulating around.

“What, are they armed?” Kaz’s stomach still twists when he thinks about the kids flying away. Eli’s toxicity is gone, but. Kaz doesn’t ever want to see kids on base again. This is exactly why he turned down that job offer in Uganda. “Tranq them. Knock them out. They’re just kids.”

A clicking sound as the phantom swaps magazines. “I’ve got enough of those kid-friendly Fulton devices.”

“We’re mercs, not a charitable organization. Call up UNICEF.”

“They must have just escaped Halabja,” Venom continues. An explosion, distant. “I think the baby sniper is their leader?”

“Baby snipers. Just what we need..”

“C’mon, Commander. You’ll have a full nest again,” and he has the nerve to sound teasing. Too much like after Quiet had leaped into the sanitation tank, and Kaz had stumbled to her bedside uncomfortable with gratitude only to find Snake sitting there with a knowing look.

As much as Kaz will never, ever say it loud, sometimes he wishes _things._ Quiet could handle him. She could watch his back, hum through his episodes. Anyone to help bear this yoke.

At least it isn't more goddamn goats.

Venom leaves the abandoned village with six new kids and the target prisoner. Kaz throws his hand in the air and lets Venom do what he will. Train baby snipers, apparently. Kaz hates seeing them around the base. Just dumb empty guns in need of a hand to aim them, and the goddamn phantom thinks he’s the one do it. They kids latch onto him, one blonde little girl trailing his every footstep on base.

When Venom turns up in his office with a question about lesson plans the girl and DD come tumbling in after. They're rolling around on the floor and the phantom gives them a fond look before giving Kaz the files. Like Kaz ought to appreciate his workspace being turned into a playground.

Kaz stands up behind his desk and glares down at them. DD blinks, tongue lolling, but the baby sniper only glares and juts out her lower lip at him.

From behind the safety of Venom's leg, of course.

"Sorry," Venom says, and murmurs something in Sorani to her. The girl leaves with DD trailing behind, muttering to herself.

“She's really a good kid," Venom offers.

"Yeah, real charming. Makes my ovaries melt."

"I’d thought you’d be happy.” He has the grace to look somewhat abashed.

“Happy? About another pack of rats on base?”

“Commander. They're just kids.”

“You can do what you like with them. I don’t care.” He flips through the folders. Signs off on codenames, R&D projects - “You’re assigning this one to the animal platform?”

“Many of them grew up herding goats, before their homes were destroyed. You had a good idea with the last batch of them. Some of them will tend plants in support. Some of them will manufacture small parts. And they’ll all have cleaning duty.”

"What about Mowgli there?"

"Good shot, for a kid." Venom shrugs. "It takes all kinds to make a nation."

“We’re not a nation.”

“We will be. When the Boss is ready.”

“Don’t talk to me about Big Boss and his plans,” Kaz hisses. “I knew him longer than you ever did, in ways you’ll never know.”

Venom doesn’t rise to his bait. Sighs and closes the office door before sitting down in a creak of leather. “I used to wonder if I’d ever be enough for you.”

“Now you know why you never could.”

“He told me I’d have trouble with you.”

Kaz has never been easy to love in his life. He’d woken up punching Snake in the face, once, head still full of rusted blades and Russian sneers.

“Then what? Did he read you the manual on how to manage your secretary? Seems like you need more training. I'll give Ocelot a call.” Kaz lifts his chin at him.

“Tell me what you need.”

“Need? I need to get the hell out of Afghanistan before the US comes to play. I need another six million in GMP if I'm gonna upgrade the entire fleet of choppers. I need a bottle of gin and nine years to sleep and a goddamn handjob, is what I need.”

Venom flicks at his cigar, fails to light it. “Whenever I see you standing at the edge of the platforms, I always think. This time, he's gonna make the jump.” Finally he gets it - it's real tobacco this time. Just one more thing Kaz hasn't been giving a shit about. "You've gotten better at hiding it from the staff. But I still see you."

Kaz stills his shaking fingers by pushing his aviators up his nose. “What the hell else do you want from me? I rolled over and took it. Same as you. Sorry if I don't smile enough for you.”

“I’m not your lover. There's nothing I can do about that,” Venom says flatly. “But I'm still Big Boss, and you're still my XO. Tell me what you need from me.”

“I don’t want shit from you.”

“If you want to leave, then leave. But if you’re staying here, be _here._ ” Venom looks pointedly at his empty sleeve. “When you learned to write with your left hand, was that letting the Skulls win?”

Kaz wants to punch him in his stupid fake face.

“You remember what I told you, then.”

Fighting for the future. Yeah, he remembers when his Boss swept in and saved him. Told him they would build a future together, rule their brave new world side by side. Everything Kaz wanted to hear.

“We don’t get to choose our heaven. But if I’m in hell with you, then I’m with you. You and I are the same. Carved out, used up, betrayed, nothing left to trust but death.” Venom leans over the desk, all massive shoulders and shrapnel shadows. “How much time do you think I have left? I'm not going to waste it feeling nothing but rage. What I've lost is lost.”

He’s so close Kaz can smell his breath. The herbs from his cigar, the blood between his teeth.

“Just looking at your face makes me sick,” Kaz whispers.

The phantom smiles. “Funny. All of my mirrors seem to be broken.”

And Kaz laughs. Hides his eyes behind his hand, laughs until he feels sick and wipes snot from his nose. “Break every goddamn mirror on this base. I don’t care.”

Yeah, it's this Boss. The man who promised Kaz the world and gave him his hand. Smiled at him through the haze of smoke. Been patient with him through his rages and miseries. Kaz thinks he can see him now, beneath the mask.

“Sounds like a waste of money.”

“Not like we'll need to replace them.” Kaz’s vision blurs. He takes off his glasses to wipe the lenses clean. “Why don’t you just fire me? Tell Ocelot to come and put me down already.”

Venom takes his glasses from him. Folds them and puts them aside. “I don’t want to.”

Kaz croaks. “Please. You’d be glad to be rid of me.”

“When I don’t know who I am, you bring me back to myself. When I’m weak, your fire fuels me. When I -” Venom touches the shrapnel in his head.

“Don’t say you need me.“

“I really do, Kaz.”

“Right, Boss,” Kaz says thickly, and signs off on the transfer forms.

The phantom - no. _Snake_ looks at him the way he’s done before. When he’d caught Kaz’s eyes over the bottle at those birthday parties Kaz doesn’t drink at anymore. It’s so small, just a hint of teeth showing beneath his mustache when his lips part. An unconscious lean before he catches himself.

It’s the same look he’d caught from the MSF medic sometimes. When Kaz had already been beaten into monogamy and that was it, but sometimes, in the light of bonfires on the beach, he’d see it. Feel the pull.

It’s the same look Venom Snake used to give him before they’d found out the truth. When he could still follow through.

Now Kaz has to tear his eyes away. He throws Snake a half-assed salute and smiles. When Venom Snake places his glasses back over his eyes his hands linger, but don't touch.

They’ll be fine.

 

 

The phantom has been talking to John, that much was obvious when Kaz came in. Blank eye, stuck in the bathroom, telling Kaz he’d be out in one moment.

There’s red smears on his cheek where the prosthetic has rubbed too harshly at the skin. His face is gleaming, dripping, raw.

“Just a minute, Kaz.”

Kaz gives him a minute. He’s given him twenty minutes, leaning against the door to the bathroom. The contract dangling forgotten from his fingers.

When the Boss has an episode in the field, Kaz scrounges up the random wildlife facts he’s learned from Ocelot. Tells him what stars he’s looking at. Or else he says nothing, like he’s doing now.

The obsessive face washing has been happening for a while. He’s not picking at his skin anymore, at least, but it’s getting to be too much.

“Hey, Boss,” Kaz says, moving closer. “Come on. Come back to me.”

Venom bends over to splash water on his face. Looks up. Squeezes more soap onto his hand and starts again.

“Snake, hey. You’re clean.” Bracing his arm, Kaz reaches. Just a light touch on his arm, but it makes Venom snap.

“Kaz.”

“Yeah, Boss. It’s me.”

Venom pulls Kaz in by the lapels of his jacket, gathers him close until they’re face to face. The phantom lifts a hand between them, eyes never leaving Kaz’s shades, and rubs his palm down his own face before rubbing that same hand on Kaz. Shoves up under his glasses to spread up all the way to his forehead. The glasses end up somewhere stuck in his hair and the bathroom lights are too bright.

“Open your eyes.”

“Boss - “

“Open your eyes. Look at me.”

Kaz does, grimacing. Venom catches his jaw and turns his head so they’re looking at their faces side by side in the mirror. Kaz squinting against the light. Venom with the Mona Lisa smile.

“See?”

“Yeah, Boss,” he says, voice caught on a rasp. "I see."

Venom pulls him into a kiss. Swoops his tongue right in without waiting. Kaz goes still. One hand goes for the back of his skull, the other slips aroud his waist. Venom pauses from his mouth, licks a stripe up his cheek and sucks on his neck before diving back in.

They don’t touch like this. Kaz will support him but this part of their relationship, the sickest lie Kaz has ever lived, is over.

Venom sighs into his mouth.

A pain starts in Kaz’s chest, opening to a raw wound when he pulls back.

Venom Snake opens his eyes. Drops his hands. The contract is gone, somewhere on the floor covered in boot marks. Kaz always makes copies, it’s fine. Wherever Snake has been, he’s here now, and he’s backing away from Kaz.

“Snake?”

“Commander.” Venom looks in the mirror again, blinks. “I'm sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Kaz lurches towards him. Slips on his crutch when he tries to reach for him. Venom reaches for him on autopilot, lets Kaz fall against him.

And Snake, the strongest man Kaz has ever known, falls to his knees and just holds him there, panting.

Kaz touches his beard. Snake strokes his hair.

They stay there for a long time.

Yeah, so about that contract. The knife dropped.

They’ve extracted a few nukes from rivals. It started out as investigating if they had Cipher support, turned into an FOB devoted to dismantling warheads. They’re already sitting on three WMDs, sealed in cold storage at the bottom of the ocean.

A CND-affiliated NGO has shown an interest in their work. The United Nations, the CIA, the Kremlin - everyone wants to know who’s who in this new era of low-budget nuclear proliferation.

If they do this, it’ll be the first step in making Diamond Dogs something bigger than he and Snake ever dreamed. They won’t be just mercs, they’ll be spearheading a global peacekeeping movement. Big Boss will be not just an American war hero, but a canonized saint.

He’d surprised Ocelot by laughing when the deal was presented. Ocelot never knew a Kaz who laughed so much, but listen: it’s funny.

If it wasn’t for a young Kaz whispering in his Boss’s ear they would have never gotten that warhead for Zeke in the first place. If it wasn’t for Kaz, Big Boss would be still living like an animal in a shack on the beach.

Fine, Kaz will reap what he’s sown.

He waits until Venom has left and returned from another mission. Takes him to his bedroom and puts on the Marvin Gaye. Snake kisses him like he spent every night in Tanzania thinking of this.

There's so much lost time to make up for. Kaz has been missing out on this since the seventies, but thinking about the past would detract from the moment. It's almost awkward at first, but their bodies remember each other so well. With him, it always felt like coming home.

He can't even think about the contract right now; not during this. Kaz thumbs the seam of a scar on his face. Kisses the one marking his lips. Holds him close while Snake pulses inside of him, his phantom hand dragging down Venom's spine while the flesh one squeezes.

In the silence after his Boss kisses the corner of his eye like some holy relic. Kaz is still shaking, wants to burrow in his chest and die right there, but the contract is the only thing on the bedside table. If he puts it off for much longer there’ll be questions.

Fighting for peace, that’s what they said then, and that’s what Kaz says now.

Venom reads the contract thoroughly without suprise. Signs with a quick flourish. Falls back into bed.

Just another mission, then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kaz makes a brief reference to Kobo Abe's _The Woman in the Dunes._ To put it simply, it's about a woman in a sandpit sentenced to eternally shovel sand and the man trapped with her. Themes!
> 
> Also, Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing was released in 1982. It's canon. My custom soundtrack is great.


	3. WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off: You don't need to have played the 1987 game to get this. If you have, you'll notice I'm not exactly adhering to the canon. I think I can get away with it considering what we know as Metal Gear canon didn't really exist back then.
> 
> Second: Most of the worldbuilding here is based on [this image](https://imgur.com/a/iPdNJ) from MGS4 that apparently shows the political boundaries in Africa by 2014. Like, say the fuck what? I whined and overthought this on my tumblr [here](http://spoopernaptime.tumblr.com/post/165355474701/this-is-the-most-random-detail-of-metal-gear-canon), but I'm gonna go ahead and say Nelson Mandela doesn't exist here. Finding out where exactly the Metal Gear AU diverts from real world history is messy, especially when you don't even have canon to work from. 
> 
> And third, thank you all so much for all the lovely feedback. I'm holding off on replying till I post the last chapter, but it means so much to me and I'm so pleased.

**1991**

“You’ll like Alaska. Lots of trees. Mountains.” John says. “All that nature.”

“Sounds cold.”

John huffs a chuckle. Kaz can see him, on the other side of the world. Puffing his words through smoke, like some old fat dragon. “Hmm. I'll keep you warm."

"Afghani nights get pretty cold as well." That was petty. Kaz can't help it.

"Kaz... you know I never meant to lie to you.”

“Do you really want to have this out again?" Kaz groans. "I get it. You had no choice, it was for my own safety, Zero and Cipher - you only lied to me because you cared.”

“Right,” John says amicably. “And I hated every minute of it, because you had never lied to me.”

"We've been over this, Boss." It's true. They have. Kaz is fine.

“I'm serious, Kaz. I had every reason to kick you to the curb years ago, but I knew you were worth keeping. I’m calling you now, aren’t I? You’ve more than proven yourself with Diamond Dogs. It’s time to come home.”

“Home? I’ve built my home, Boss. FOXHOUND doesn’t need me.”

“Does he still need you?” John snorts. “Should I be worried?” Of course not. His phantom belongs to him and he knows it.

“You should be. He’s a better lay than you ever were.”

That gets a laugh out of Big Boss, deep and throaty. “Aren’t you getting too old for this merc business?”

“You know me, Boss. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

“Look, Kaz. I’m going to the States for good. Soon it’ll be time for him to move on, too. When that happens, where will you go?”

There’s a letter on Kaz’s desk from the Nobel Peace Prize committee. The world is only too eager to push checks at them for promoting world peace. Henry Kissinger would crawl over broken glass to shake Benedict Miller’s hand, and when Big Boss goes back to the States America will welcome him with open arms.

Peace Day came, all right. It was a great party.

“Don’t you worry about me, Boss. I’ll carry your phantom to the end. Then we’ll talk.”

“Really. Never knew you to be so loyal.”

“Are you really -”

“Kaz. I’m kidding.” He snorts. “I remember the way that medic used to look at you, thinking he was being sneaky. Sure got what he wanted, huh?”

Kaz puts the letter in the do-not-reply stack with his new hand. He could get used to having two hands. It's a shame considering how hard he’d worked at one-handed proficiency, but there’s a ridiculous amount of ladders on base. No XO should be held back by his own architecture. “You did him a favor, all right.”

“Bad joke, huh.” His voice dulls. “What happened to him was never my choice. All I did was make the most of his potential.”

“I know, Snake. That’s what you do with everyone.”

“Come to America, Kaz.”

“And miss out on seeing what you’ve built? With my own money, might I add?”

“Hm.” Snake falls silent, smoke escaping his lips. “In that case, Outer Heaven could use an XO like you. Ocelot’s on his way to Mother Base. We’re getting closer than ever.”

Yeah, Kaz knows.

As the borders have been broken and rearranged across South Africa, Big Boss has carved out his own piece of the pie. Outer Heaven is no nation, not yet, but it’s a major step. Over a hundred thousand square kilometers of desert stocked with ex-Koevoet, SADF commandos, enough armored vehicles and tank units to sink Mother Base into the sea. They might be landlocked, but the surrounding wastes of the Kalahari desert might as well be miles of empty ocean when it comes to spotting invading forces. With the Berlin Wall fallen, the US having fully pulled out of South Africa, and Big Boss himself having made his peace with Cipher and going home like a good boy, there won’t be any pesky global superpowers in their way.

The timing is right.

Ocelot is a shell. He’s grown his hair long, like Kaz, smirks under the dead animal on his face and oozes the same old bullshit but he’s aged fifteen years in five. It’s not quite pity that lurks in Kaz's mind when he sees him, but a calm sort of revulsion. Big Boss must have some issues after spending nine years in a coma. Kaz would wonder what dreams Ocelot has to pull him out of if he cared. 

“No one’s saying you have to leave Diamond Dogs. They'll still be providing a portion of our funds, standing as our legacy. I'll be stopping by from time to time, even.” Ocelot says, twiddling his revolver. “But it’s time for the phantom to take his place on the stage he’s set. As for you, you can do whatever you want.”

“I know what I want.”

Ocelot twirls his gun one last time. Slips it back into the holster. “How’s that arm working out for you?” The older he gets, the less he sounds like a radio serial cowboy. Sometimes, though, when he's talking to Kaz, a little of that old drawl slips through.

“Well enough.” Kaz flexes his fingers, watches light ripple across the joints. Ocelot insists it’s from John, John says it was all Ocelot’s idea. Kaz only wears it while working anyways. R&D didn’t make all his special knife-edged forks for nothing, but it’s not like he’s not going to take the scraps he's been given.

"Is the phantom here?"

Kaz snorts. "Of course not. He's allergic to cats."

"A cat?" Ocelot cocks his head. "That's a good one. You never fail to suprise me, Miller."

"Someone's got to keep you on your toes."

What the hell is he hanging around for? Ocelot could have sent this information in at least fifty other ways. Kaz doesn't care. Doesn't bother saying goodbye. John's the only one he needs to be polite to.

Kaz goes straight to Venom with his heart clenched the entire helicopter ride. 

The southernmost FOB is cold at this time of year, reminding Kaz that they’re closer to Antarctica than India. A sharp wind and only a few Diamond Dogs greet him. These men bear the insignia, and Kaz should know every one by codename and home village. But these are the ones John chose. These are the ones meant for Outer Heaven.

There’s only two main platforms. Venom Snake and the latest warheads he’s extracted are easy to find. A few staff are busy moving the nuke into the containment area, but Venom Snake stands alone under a single floodlight. Rubbing his face with a metal hand the way he hasn’t done in years.

They’ve never met here before.

Kaz says nothing. Only takes the clipboard from his other, limp hand and forges the signature for him. Target safely extracted, sealed in cold storage at the bottom of the ocean. The old whaling ship is ready for transport, and the UN will never know that there were two.

They still don’t talk, even when Venom comes out of it and lets Kaz lead him to the offices here. There's only one fluorescent light bulb, too harsh for Kaz's eyes. He spreads out what Ocelot’s given him and lets the phantom see it for himself. 

In an underground silo far beneath the Kalahari desert, Big Boss is building a new Metal Gear.

Venom smooths the schematics of the weapon. His face gives away nothing as he studies it. The Boss slips away and the phantom emerges. Kaz already knows that he just got off the phone with Big Boss two hours ago. Talking about it will only send tremors up the walls of their pit, until the sand slides down and smothers them both.

Nuclear disarmament has been their battle for years now. Kazuhira’s mother named him for this dream.

The phantom scratches at the blood on his face and Kaz would rip the stars from the sky if it could make him stop. 

_We’re not warmongers._

_Where the hell do you think the money comes from, Boss?_

No, Kaz never said that. He bit his tongue and went back balancing to his budget.

John can talk about Cipher and Zero all he wants. The truth is, in Outer Heaven they’ll have the entire world at gunpoint. A dingy sock-puppet play of Kaz’s old dream. Kazuhira Miller and Big Boss ruling the world, side by side. Maybe Kaz should visit the States. See what kind of a beast his old Boss has become, just to hold a dark mirror up to his new one.

“Tell me what you’re thinking," Venom says, softly.

Kaz reaches for his Boss’s hand. Twines his fingers in his own. “This is his life's work."

"It's a lot."

"After this, there’ll be nothing left he can take from us.”

Venom squeezes his fingers. “Kaz. Don’t come to Outer Heaven.”

“What, and let you go and start a dairy operation?”

Venom looks away, shaking his head. “That was your idea.” But he’s smiling, now. He's happy. “I liked that one.”

There’s no way in hell Kaz is letting him do this alone.

 

 

Mother Base is left in good hands after her commanders retire to the United States. Flaming Buffalo is one of those rare ones who stayed on through the years. She's done enough on solo missions some staff talk about her the way they must have talked about Naked Snake, back in the day, and her strength balances Steel Agama's soft heart. There’s plenty of Diamond Dogs who deserved a promotion years ago.

DD stays behind. The dog is older, now, and Kaz can tell it hurts Snake to leave his buddy behind. DD will have company at least; the baby sniper clings to his side even when they take their final farewells. Well, not quite a baby anymore. Sniper Wolf calls Venom _Saladin_ and hugs him with tears in her eyes, but she’s still so young. Winds from the chopper throws her hair in her eyes.

Venom whispers something in her ear, barely hides the card he slips in the pocket of her windbreaker. He straightens with a nod, she throws him a salute, and that’s the final word.

“What’d you tell her?” Kaz nudges Venom. The kid's trudging away with DD, not without a last glum stare over her shoulder.

“How long, do you think, before she leaves Mother Base?” Venom asks instead.

“I’d hate to think of her running around the states.”

Venom smiles as the chopper touches down.

As Mother Base disappears behind them, Ocelot lays a hand on Kaz’s knee. Kaz gives him an even gaze. Makes no move to shake it off.

“That arm suits you,” Ocelot says, and lets go.

He says a lot more - finer details, an exhaustive inventory of everything waiting at their new base. Rattles off the names of PMCs and proxy armies and rebel groups and nations they’ve been recruiting from. The biography of every warlord and dictator and genuine freedom fighter Kaz will be rubbing elbows with. They’re in good with the newly independent South African government, but the CIA and the Kremlin left a mess in their wake and Mugabe is immune to the legendary soldier’s charisma.

The sudden enforced disarmament hasn’t helped shit, but as Ocelot says, sub-Saharan Africa is still in recovery. The people want peace.

They also want - they _need_ economic development, direly, if what happened up north once the USSR left Ethiopia high and dry is any sign. There’s no easy route to becoming a global superpower, but a horde of nuclear warheads isn’t a bad way to start.

Yeah, if you're a goddamn maniac.

Once the Kalahari spreads red below Kaz and Venom change clothes. Together they lose their symbols of rank, their old emblems, and suit up as proper desert warlords. Jungle fatigues devoid of insignia. A haven for soldiers, run by soldiers.

Outer Heaven looks like a few rocks in the desert from the chopper until they land and it’s overwhelming. Guards with dogs walk the perimeters of a sprawling complex that Kaz only gets a glimpse of from the helipad atop the third building. Below the platoons have spread out in formation, awaiting their Boss’s return.

John’s at the helipad.

He looks old. He’s smiling around his cigar like he’s so damn smart, but he's gone completely grey and all Kaz sees is an old man. Ocelot goes demurely to his side, hands folded behind his back.

“Surprised to see me?”

Kaz nods. Holds out a hand for him to shake. “Boss.”

The handshake goes way too long. Big Boss takes his glove off and examines the prosthetic. “Looks good.” He drops the hand, stands back to examine Kaz and the phantom. “Don’t they look good, Ocelot?”

“They’re pretty good.”

“Hah!” John slaps his arms around them both. “Really, Kaz. You don’t look a day over thirty five.”

“Ah, you know. Japan hasn’t lost yet.” Kaz smiles with his teeth. He looks every inch his age and he knows it. “Can't say the same for you, though."

John laughs again. "Hm. It has been sixteen years. We can't all drink the blood of the young."

Amazing. He's actually trying to guilt Kaz. "So what is this? Final briefing?”

“Just saying hi.” John drops his arm from the phantom, the other hand moving lower down Kaz’s back to turn him around and away. Walk him to the edge of the helipad. From up here, they can survey the entire complex.

John points out details with obvious pride. Three main fortresses, the one they’re standing on devoted to the Metal Gear in development beneath. A scattering of outbuildings, barracks, medbays, and a bristling fence. A spread of red sand and rock. Their new offices are only two floors down from where they’re standing. Ten floors above the Metal Gear bay.

“Seems a little centralized, don’t you think?” Kaz asks.

John smiles. “Figured you’d say that. You should have been here, Kaz.”

The phantom hasn’t said a word. Kaz can’t see him. John’s hand dips lower and if Kaz was a stupider man he could take a running leap and throw them both off the roof. “Just busting your balls.”

“You really haven’t changed.”

“It looks good, Snake. Really. This all - this is what we always wanted.”

Long ago they stood like this before a mouldering shack on the beach. Two men, one dream, and the world at their feet. Kaz stood so proud, then, with the arm of the man he feared and awed and loved around his back.

Maybe he ought to feel nostalgic.

“It’s good to see you, Kaz. Truly,” John murmurs. His tongue tastes like tobacco when he shoves it in. Kaz doesn’t even flinch. Even leans into it, moves his tongue around his mouth.

But it’s Big Boss who moves back first. His eye is unreadable, even when he flicks a glance to where Ocelot and the phantom are still standing. Then he laughs, drops his arm and shoves Kaz towards him with a light slap on his ass. “You take pretty good care of him, huh?”

Venom is doing so good. “Of course, Boss.”

"Ever heard of a pair of scissors, buddy?"

Venom smiles. "Sorry, Boss." Even at his age, he's still got enough brown left in his hair, his beard. Kaz loves it when Venom presses his forehead against his own in bed, when their long hair mingles and makes a curtain around their shared breath. 

There’s an unspoken question before John takes off. One last offer. Kaz pretends not to notice. Doesn’t hesitate for a moment.

Then they’re finally gone and Kaz has trouble breathing. Venom brushes his cheek with his thumb. “Do you need a minute?”

Kaz laughs. Wipes his nose. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

Venom kisses the taste of Big Boss from his mouth. Kaz pushes him back gently with a peck before they make an even worse scene on the helipad.

The troops are waiting.

Kaz straightens his beret. Red like Snake’s, devoid of diamonds. He stalks at Venom’s side past dizzying lines of glinting rifle scopes and balaclavas. There’s more children than he expected there to be.

Good to see that Big Boss is thinking long-term.

 

 

The first few months in Outer Heaven are spent putting out fires.

John’s food budget was outrageous. They’re in the goddamn desert and dehydrated because he isn’t buying enough water from South Africa and it never occurred to him to start farming some desert Tsama melons. There’s venomous scorpions out here that will absolutely shoot first and the medbay is still ordering in antivenin rather than producing it themselves. He hasn’t done shit to reach out to the local San Bushmen, which is flat-out stupid, and the first order of business is drilling a new borehole to replace one fucking _John_ thought he could cement over.

When Venom slaps the newest recruits on his desk for processing he barely looks up.

“Machinegun Kid,” Kaz muses. "Really, Boss?” The kid looks too much like Eli. Same shit, different race.

"Some kid with a machine gun. He didn’t like being called a mouse.”

“What's this one - Shoot Gunner? Jesus. Letting them pick their own code names kind of defeats the whole purpose, Boss."

Venom just shrugs. "They don't have much else going for them."

Kaz sighs. "Any of these damn kids know how to milk a goat?”

The Kurdish kids are all back on Mother Base. They don’t belong here. He’s seen the medical reports already. Big Boss has taken his cues from commanders in Uganda and Liberia - really, par for the course when it comes to child soldiers. What’s Kaz going to do, send them all into withdrawal?

Instead Kaz slaps the guns from the hands of a hundred dead-eyed kids. Kicks their asses around the training grounds until they’re spitting blood and will do anything to make their brand new XO happy. They speak everything from Owishambo to Dutch, but they pick up quick on the lingua franca of a whipsnap voice and a stomping boot.

In addition to the kids, John also managed to catch himself an engineer. Just one more loose end for Kaz to manage.

Dr. Madnar Pettrovich cringes less than Huey, at least, as he leads Kaz past security checkpoints to the empty hangar waiting for a Metal Gear.

Kaz isn’t an engineer. The TX-55 looks like just another Peace Walker or ZEKE or Sahelanthropus or any other giant robot that’s ruined his life. It’s Dr. Madnar he’s here to watch over - the man’s claims of loyalty mean nothing to Kaz. He hands him the late Code Talker’s research and sees that tight fear cross his face, momentarily, before he adopts the proper awe any scientist should have upon seeing metallic archaea for the first time.

Kidnapping doesn’t always work as a recruitment tactic. But Kaz will be here to breathe down his neck, step on it if necessary.

For now, Kaz throws an arm around his shoulder and talks about the glory that was Sahelanthropus. Invites him to the mess hall for dinner. Asks him how his daughter, the ballerina, is doing, and catches the minute widening of his eyes.

Ocelot has already secured that particular asset, anyways.

All in a day's work. Outer Heaven is a tightly wound machine, every gear oiled slick with money and promises. The phantom doesn’t need to run out on missions all the time to spread their name or make their cash. It's the first time Kaz can truly say he's got it made.

It’s also the first time in years Kaz has spent so much time with Venom. In Diamond Dogs there were too many cold mornings while Snake was on missions. Struggling to dress without his steady hands. Sharp-edged days spent bereft of his soft voice.

Here in Outer Heaven Kaz needs this more than ever. Every moment is magnified, will be all they have in the days to come. Any dying man in the desert will treasure each drop of water, but in the Kalahari he’s found a true oasis. 

The phantom does his work, of course. But Venom Snake takes pictures of gazelles and lions. Drags Kaz to the roof of the fortress to see the sun set across red sands. There's still time to light up wormwood cigars and blast Parliament to the sands and the skies for now, and the moon has never looked more beautiful.

The stars are the same as they were on Mother Base.


	4. CAUGHT RED-HANDED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> V is for Victory.
> 
> Also, if you haven't played either of the old Metal Gears, all you really need to know is that there's some obscure "resistance group", and that for some reason destroying the TX-55 initiates a self destruct of the entire goddamn fortress because, uh, Big Boss is an evil genius???? I told you I'm not adhering to canon.

**1995**

Things might have settled down across the continent, but Outer Heaven is determined not to let it get too stable. The name _Saladin_ spreads quickly, and Kaz chooses carefully which prisoners he executes, who he recruits, and who gets to slip out with all the wrong facts.

Caught between Botswana and South Africa, Kaz plays the game beneath the eyes of every other nation south of the Sahara. The Derg may be dead, but rumor has it that Mengistu is safe and sound somewhere south of Namibia. Rumor has it that not everyone has taken kindly to disarmament. Rumor has it that something big is happening in the desert.

In the meantime, Kaz sweet-talks diplomats into signing his own treaties. The nascent South African Development Union is much needed after the war, and both presidents have groveled enough to salivate at the thought of six nuclear warheads for their very own. John thought too small, but with their proximity to the border peace with Botswana is a necessity. Swaziland’s reclusive king is still a thorn in the side, but they’re helpless against Outer Heaven.

Every eye in Africa turns south.

Peace Day was nice while it lasted.

It’s just another blazing day in the desert when it happens. Kaz is seeing off some general or another from Gaborone when he hears the helicopter approach. Venom returns from eliminating a unit of Angola’s guerrilla resistance force. Against the merciless sun and sky, high atop the fortress, he’s only a silhouette.

Kaz doesn’t miss him so much when he’s gone. He’ll miss his warmth, his voice, but Kaz finds that he never worries about him in the field anymore. Here in Outer Heaven the man he loves and the legend he worships are one and the same.

Even now he can’t help the awe that rises when he sees him. It would have scared a younger man, but lately Kaz hasn't been afraid of anything. He strides to his Boss, presses a hand to his shoulder, and is met with lips chapped by sand. They’ve long lost the decorum of Diamond Dogs.

There’s one extra in the helicopter. Kaz hears his muffled groans before Venom drags him by the ropes and tosses him to the ground. Tears the bag off his head to reveal a grimy white face.

Not all South Africans are happy with the new regime. This one, even after turning traitor to Angola, doesn't know the first thing about Outer Heaven. Insists on it. Even as Kaz twists under his fingernails, even after being starved for days, he’s persistent. It takes two days for his accent to slip, and four for him to break.

Kyle Schneider isn’t a white South African or even a member of the resistance. Just an American journalist who stumbled into the story of a lifetime. He swears no one knows he’s here, that he only happened to catch wind of strange happenings and horned men and followed his hunches. Yeah, and he just so happened to have SERE training, and the guerrillas he was with just so happened to carry American-made weapons.

Kaz leaves him in his soundless cell with a mouth full of blood. It’s enough to know that Cipher has heard the good news.

Time to finish things with Madnar.

Coward Duck seems genuinely scared of his XO, and he’s one of those drifting scraps of the Hutus who was setting villages on fire only a year ago. He drags the daughter, still strong enough to scream, down the hall to where her father waits. Her cries fail to stir something in Kaz.

This is the one place where Venom isn’t allowed. Everything is recorded, of course, but as long as Venom isn’t actually in the room with him Kaz can slip into his role as interrogator.

But it’s actions that truly make the man, right?

No, that's not true. When Kaz is in the interrogation room all he thinks of is Venom Snake. When Kaz listens to the recordings after all he hears is static. He doesn’t wear cowboy boots because Kaz knows exactly who he. He doesn’t do that one thing all the sleazy Russians taught him because Kaz is not a monster.

He grabs her by the hair from Coward Duck, throws her down before her father.

Madnar’s face goes white as the moon.

Kaz doesn’t laugh, but he could.

The sabotage of the fortresses is suicide, which is why Kaz let him know his precious little girl was executed soon after her capture. Giving Madnar time to construct an elaborate series of self-destruct sequences that can be activated on the TX-55’s testing console.

He gets the keys for the sequences easy and leaves Coward Duck to deal with the clean-up. Doesn’t let anyone see him press his hand against the door, just for a moment, to catch his breath before reporting to Snake.

Almost there.

He leaves Venom in privacy to contact Big Boss because he's just... tired. They’re so close, it’s finally happening but it's so _fast_. Kaz leaves for the shower in their private quarters. Takes off his prosthetics and hops to his little bench. The washroom fills with steam. Water run from his cupped hands. 

Now he can remember that rainy day in Yokosuka. When he'd been soaked and numb, cigarette crumbling between his fingers, and he'd known in his bones that the man he'd been before was long dead. This isn't that, he reminds himself. This new man isn't losing anything, and this time he won't be alone.

Venom slips in behind him, runs his hands over his shoulders.

“Tell me in the morning,” Kaz says.

Venom kisses his neck until he turns around and falls into his Boss’s mouth. Kaz undos the long plait of his hair, runs the greying waves through his fingers. They wash each other down gently, coaxing each other to arousal. There’s no back on the bench, but Venom holds Kaz steady even when he kneels between his thighs to suck him. Still so strong.

Kaz lets Venom carry him to bed, damp and naked, and Venom puts on one of those tapes from ‘85.

“I knew a man once,” Kaz tells him, head slumped on his chest.

“Hmm.”

“A hippie who went straight. He was a first responder when he got drafted. Got a buzz cut.”

“An EMT, huh. Bet boot camp was a walk in the park for him.”

Kaz is back in Costa Rica, suddenly shy over his guitar when a quiet medic starts humming along. “It was Vietnam what broke him. Still, he always tried to heal. Even after he was discharged for his inclinations, he did what he knew. From the MSF - the real one - to private forces, he wandered war zones until he was found.”

Venom’s eye flutters shut. His chest shudders when he exhales. “Sounds about right.”

Kaz kisses a scar on his chest. “He once told me he didn’t believe in the past.”

“Funny thing to say.”

“Ah, you know. He preferred to live for the moment.” Kaz smiles, tilts up his head for his lips. “I had a thing for him, back in the day. Nothing ever happened. I was... kind of a mess, back then.”

Venom sighs. “Must have been one hell of a crush.”

“You have no idea.”

It doesn’t matter if Kaz had made a different decision in the seventies. Cut off his Boss and looked closer at the man who cradled wild animals like infants. They would still be right here.

On the other side of the world a decorated war hero and Nobel nominate retires from FOXHOUND. A brilliant career finally reaches a peaceful end. And he’s _not_ coming to Outer Heaven.

"That's ridiculous," Kaz snaps, already mentally assembling a team. "We've got most of his resources. He doesn't have - and after everything we done he still doesn't trust us with - "

“Kaz. It's fine. All we had to do was flush him out. It's handled.”

"I've been keeping an eye out. There's a few little juntas popping up here and there - he's going to be running scared, though. He's going to -"

“I told you, Kaz. I've got a plan."

"Really."

"Of course I do. Now, he says we can expect an infiltrator soon. It’s one of his own from FOXHOUND. Their goal is to send Cipher false information.”

“Right. Because that'll clear it right up. Of course he can’t be assed to come and clean up his mess himself.”

Venom smiles. “Have you met him?”

Kaz cuts the phantom’s hair and twiddles his thumbs when the first infiltrator arrives.

Gray Fox has been so long in the black Outer Heaven is the first light he sees. The mission is a complete failure. No, when Kaz comes to his cell the man looks clear-eyed up straight into his shades. He’s seen the kids practicing CQC, heard the legend of the one-eyed man, and he’s devoted to his Boss. The body double doesn’t even phase him, and Kaz cut his hair for goddamn nothing. 

It’s just as well if he stays. It gives Kaz and Venom more time. Whatever Venom’s contingency plan is, a dry panic catches Kaz sometimes. He got his own spies out, but there's so little time left.

Venom won't let him down. He trusts that, at least.

 

“You’ll never guess who’s been following me.” Ocelot sounds amused over the line. “Your Boss sure trained his baby sniper well.”

“Wolf, huh?" Kaz swallows. Stares at the latest intel report from a team in Central America without reading it. It was just a hunch. "How’s she doing?”

“Thinks I’ll lead her to Saladin. Hasn’t forgiven either of you for leaving.”

“Is she still with you?”

“No. I bought her a train ticket.”

“Is she coming here?”

“Of course not.” Kaz can just imagine his thin smile. “She’s probably on her way to Brazil as we speak.”

“Thanks,” Kaz says. “She’s a good kid.”

Genuine gratitude isn’t something Ocelot does well with. He dodges the subject gracelessly. Another one from FOXHOUND is on his way - trained by Big Boss himself. More of a grass snake, not the brightest of the bunch, but he worships the ground Big Boss walks on. Hasn’t taken well to his mentor’s retirement.

"Listen, Miller," Ocelot says suddenly. "We can still make a place for you here."

Kaz holds his breath. "Where?" 

"We're not ready yet. But when we are, and if I tell you where it is, will you come?"

There's a moment. A jolt in his heart - no. It won't do anything. It's too late anyways.

"That's what I thought," Ocelot says, and hangs up.

Kaz fucked up. He sits in his dark little office surrounded by his heaps of paperwork. Doesn't come out, doesn't look up, doesn't even move until Venom comes for him, wondering. 

“ _Sniper Wolf_ was your contingency plan.”

Venom shrugs.

“Well, it didn't work. I just got off the phone with Ocelot. You’re lucky he didn’t kill her. She doesn’t know our location, at least. Ocelot’s sent her on a wild goose chase.” Kaz smears his palm across his face. There's still time. He'll get more spies in the field, he'll - 

“No, he hasn't.”

“What?”

Venom’s playing with his new iDroid. Examining the schematics of the TX-55. “She’s got him, Kaz.”

Kaz’s throat closes up. “Where?”

“Right around Tselinoyarsk.”

“Of course.” Kaz groans. "With Ocelot?"

“With Ocelot. They don’t have much, yet. Still working their way in the with local junta, and it's just the two of them. But the intel is solid. I’m expecting a wire from shortly.” He frowns at his screen. “I don’t know much about computers,” he says, apologetic. “But could we set this up so the sequence triggers automatically upon its destruction? Just in case.”

“What - sure. Whatever you want. Snake, why didn’t you tell me this?”

Venom actually blushes. It looks ridiculous on him, too sweet. “You wouldn’t trust her.”

“I trust you.”

“Would you trust Ocelot?"

There's no good answer to that, but he's kind enough not to press. He only smiles, distant. "Wolf was furious when she’d found out I lied to her. Even more so when she found out why.”

“...You're lucky we love you." Kaz runs both hands back through his hair. Gets up and stretches, feels the blood rush and the currents spark in his limbs. “So what now? We wait for the next one? According to Big Boss, he’s a softie.”

“So I heard.” Venom flicks off his iDroid. “We’ll know it when we see him.”

It’s nearly time.

 

Of all the people, it’s his own son John decides to send. Venom plays mission support - his tone shifting to boisterous, carefully coached to feign an intimate relationship. The kid’s nervous, only a rookie, but he responds warmly.

It’s cute, really.

Solid Snake moves with silent grace, effortlessly avoiding the few cameras he can spot. He’s already a veteran, Kaz heard, but he hasn’t gone to the black yet.

That doesn’t happen until Machinegun Kid, of all the goddamn people, decides to be a hero.

When Solid pulls off his balaclava at the end he looks like he’s going to be sick. Kaz watches his tiny figure stagger on the infared screen.

“It’s just a kid,” he tells Venom, weakly. “I didn’t know he was just a kid.”

“Solid. You’ve got to keep going.”

“I know.” A wet gasp. “I’m gonna get this bastard.”

He really is a good kid. He rescues Madnar, the daughter, and Schneider. Grey Fox is in position and the kid actually embraces his old comrade. Promises them all that they’re going to be okay.

When Grey Fox nudges him, he doesn’t budge. The kid is smarter than John thought. Grey Fox goes too far, telling Solid just how well he’s learned how things work around here, and Kaz doesn’t miss the foot of distance that grows between them when Solid directs him to get the prisoners to safety. Let him continue alone.

Kaz radios Grey Fox first before he does anything stupid. The Boss will handle things from here.

"Big Boss? Sir?" Solid Snake risks a few quiet words, crouching among supply crates. "I'm glad you're with me."

"Relax, Solid. You've got this."

"You came out of retirement just to support me here. It's an honor."

Venom says nothing, but meets Kaz's eyes.

"I'm thinking... it'd be good to see you again. Show you what I've learned."

"You're coming to Florida after this?" Venom chuckles, dark and throaty just like the man he's imitating. "Wanna test out your CQC on the old man, huh?"

"Heh. You'll see. I hear it's nice and warm there round this time of year."

Venom's got that smile Kaz could die for.

There's a lot of things Big Boss will never understand about people. 

When Venom tells Snake to turn back, Snake turns off his radio. Most of the security checkpoints are already deactivated, and he has the keys and the card from Madnar. It's handled.

It's time.

 

The emergency exit tunnel isn’t too long. Kaz can catch a glimpse of the moonlight, falling through the slant at the mouth. He's perched at the top of the ladder, not looking down into the swirling red lights and chaos. It's a warm night, stuffy in the tunnel, and he's stripped down to a plain undershirt and his fatigue pants. No need for body armor.

The envelope is in his left pocket.

It's everything. Transcripts, photographs, maps. Everything they've gathered, everything Sniper Wolf sent.

It's the most important thing Kaz has ever held, and he's going to trust it to this kid. 

Kaz has to be here but his heart is down the ladder. Below his feet, below meters of concrete, the bay doors are still sealed. It's the ladder or nothing.

He made a promise -

But he made another promise, too. No, Kaz won't be needing the jeep. That part he can break. That part Venom already knows he's going to break. The important thing is the envelope.

Solid Snake is shaking. Blood on his face, on his clenched fists. Already deep into the black.

But the kid is still going, which means he’s stronger than Kaz and the phantom and Ocelot and everyone else who’s been held in that particular chokehold of Big Boss. There might be tear tracks on his dirty cheeks, but his eyes are clear.

“Is he still breathing?” It’s a selfish question. There’s no time for this.

Solid Snake is panting, but he makes it to the top and hauls himself up over. “Not for long. It’s over,” he warns when Kaz reaches in his pocket, and raises his bloody fists.

Kaz hands him the envelope.

Solid Snake takes it as carefully as a grenade.

“Give that to your bosses back in the states.”

“What - why - ”

“Because this isn’t over. And you will be seeing Big Boss again.”

David swallows. Glances down the ladder. Kaz shoves him, points.

“Jeep. Ten yards from the exit. You got a clear path to the southeast gate and five minutes to run like hell.“

Solid Snake runs.

Red flashing lights swallow the tunnel. Somewhere men are screaming, guns are firing, and when Kaz closes his eyes he doesn’t go anywhere else in the dark.

It’s a warm night.

Kaz climbs back down the ladder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED:** Problem solved, series over.
> 
>  
> 
> Full disclosure: Yeah, the [Ocekaz context](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12570024/chapters/28630532) is important.


End file.
